I have not had much to say. I really am still not feeling great...not ill, not depressed, just not myself. I feel like I am really really struggling with some big stuff and yet at the same time feel the most content I have felt in a long time....confused much?
Work is amazing and wonderful and yet I am really struggling with it. I feel like I just can't give enough to people which likely means i am giving too much of myself, wearing myself too thin so that I have no energy left. I should not end each week feeling like I need a vacation. I am much busier but I just feel so much pressure to do my job perfect. I know i do good work...I am proud of it but the pressure to keep it up, to always be "on", to always be healthy myself...it is currently overwhelming me big time. I mean, I am doing it, I am healthy, and I am living the dream but I feel extremely burned right now.
Home. Sigh. I miss my kids. I worry about them and lee. I feel like I am not with them very much and I also feel like when I am I am on them to "do stuff". I really think I am seeking simplicity in chaos....so that is what I am working towards. Getting rid of stuff we don't need, not only decluttering stuff but processes. It is a lot of work but I am doing it. I MUST because this cannot continue this way.
Last summer I had th emost amazing conversation with my aunt Robin. To many it might not have been amazing and likely it was nothing to Robin. She was razzing my uncle elliott about having too many boxes of "memories" and then noted he had like 5 boxes or something. I laughed thing she was joking. I said "well, how many do you expect him to have?" She replied, "2 would be reasonable, 1 would be better , like me." You have GOT to be kidding me? ONE box to sum up my life...and she is older than me. I pestered her on how this could be..how could she live with just one box? She said something along the lines of "if I don't have it I don't miss it. I only keep the very very necessary items."
After thinking LONG about this conversation I have come to realize that I will never be my aunt Robin, we are truly just different people BUT I do strife to remember that I won't miss things if they are not actually in my posession. I will either remember it lovingly or just not remember it and never know the difference. Is this me fighting the aging process...if I hold onto every little piece of my life then I won't ever forget and thus not age? NOT. haha. At any rate I am letting go of lots...it feels good and it is Hard and sad and emotional. Tonight I gave away a little preying mantus tea light holder that my roomie Jessica gave me. I never loved it but I loved it because she gave it to me and I love her.....so why do I have it in a box for years? no longer....good bye preying mantus. I am moving on.
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Briar Kelly
What's Allison doing.....
About Me
- Allison
- Hello all...I am a 33 y.o. chiropractor/mom/wife living in Lakewood, OH with my husband Lee , 6+ y.o. Griffin, 3+ y.o Paisley, one on the way, and our dog Mazzy. Most moments these days I feel like I have it all but then there are those mommy moments and I want to cry. On this blog I'd like to share it all...hope you find it somewhat interesting.
9 comments:
yes you will not miss it but it is hard. I will tell you as I get older I find I no longer want to keep things from my past. I find they hold nothing me but the memories are strong in my mind. (hugs) I know it's not the same but it will have to do.
one thing you can do is take pictures and keep those in a Memory album..instead of the actual item? Listen to me who has a million photos.
Well, having just put MOST of my STUFF in STORAGE for YEARS, I can say there is very little that I truly miss. Probably photos, which I did not make the time to pull some out to keep with us.
I also knew about that one box of Robin's. She has so little storage space that it is no wonder. Although it does fit her personality, too. No way I could get it down to one box. I like having my memories in a box (okay, it's more like 4 or 5 bins and that is ALL I will ADMIT to). It keeps them safe, and I don't have to worry about remembering the past, because the boxes do it for me! Get it! Okay, that may not be in line with what you're trying to achieve, but I am just saying that I can empathize.
One more thing, as I am sure you know, it's not just about getting rid of things, it's about right-sizing, so you have room in your life for what is truly important to you.
P.S. If you get rid of that hand-crocheted potato masher I gave you, I'll be miffed! :-) XO
hand crocheted? you mean the cross pattern of it? I will never.....and I still have the breadbox too although no room in the kitchen for it right now. But I love it and you!
I have lots of "stuff" around the house, but one box of "mementos".I don't count things like old dresses for costumes and the kids' old toys,etc. Oh, wait- I think I have about 50 record albums and old books that were my brother's...oh, and maybe 3 more shoe boxes of old letters and cards.
mom..you gots plenty of "stuffs"...where do you think I got this problem? lol.
The "hand crocheted" part was a joke! Love you too!
to comment on the earlier part of this post:you are sounding just like your father! the kids are fine with lee- they will cherish this time and have many good memories. Just make sure when you are with the kids, try to have some QT every day, even if only 5 min.Do you emeber the time when you were 1-4 when dad was in school and our lives were so crazy? you were well cared for and had QT with GG and Morgan and the Brewsters!
I don't mean to sound like I'm ignoring your feelings- I don't mean to...you are justified to feel this way- you guys have had a lot to cope with!
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