Weekend away

What an adventure. Lots of traffic, good food, great company, and time away from the kiddos. I am so greatful to the friends and family that kept the kids for us so we could get away to celebrate with the LOVES! Love you all.

The kids were fine but Griffin is really going through some "issues" right now. Thank goodness I have friends with other almost or recent 5 y.o. because otherwise we would be seriously wondering WHAT is wrong with him. I have to think that some of it is just him struggling with being small still and wanting to also be grown up. That is tough stuff so I continue to give him the benefit of the doubt and be gentle with him. I know how hard it is though so I don't blame others if they cannot be patient with him.

Today is memorial day...an extra day off. Yahoo! I have already helped two men in my life with back issues though...lol. Never really off am I? We are going to head to mark and kelly's for a bbq with friends and family. I am blessed with so much happiness...life is good.

Ups and Downs

This week was long. With work, shopping on tuesday for clothes for today and next weekend, running around with kids all of thursday, celebrating Bonnie and John (they are engaged!) on Wednesday, and a small impromptu gathering last night of family including out of town family....whew. Today is Chal's funeral. It is still quite surreal. I can't describe it any other way. I am thinking back on him and my experiences with him and just don't want it to be over but of course it is. I am not sad persay just annoyed that this is life as humans know it. I wonder why we have the heartache. I guess it makes me somewhat ponder (or rather hope for) the existence of afterlife...otherwise what is the point? Ugh. It hurts to love people and then they are gone. And how will I relate to my children that this man loved them so very much...that he softened in their presence like no other? Somehow I hope I can because it is true...he loved The Griff and Boots.

My cousin Eric is dying as well...tumors all over his body. My father is visiting him and I just put my Grandmother on a plane to go as well. It just is not fair and even knowing that logically I am still mad.

yes, again, anger is my first reaction in life. I am definitely tired of that. I just want for some other emotion to float to the top one of these days. ugh.

Day 6 cleanse

Today my friend Julie and I cooked for the cleanse. We made lentil salad with cucumber, tomato, red pepper, fresh basil, lentils, and garlic expressions. We also made cauliflower/sweet potato curry-Zomg! It is sooo yummy. Then for dinner tonight we made asparagus and broccoli with grilled chicken and wild rice. It was such a fun day cooking together.

Today has been another hard day of this process. I just want junk food. I think it must be stress but I am trying to stay strong.

I took Griffin this a.m. down to the veggie/fruit warehouse for our coop. He thought it was cold but later did comment on how we went to a really cool place ;) Then he played while I sorted and talked to my friend Stacy. It was a nice morning. He was having soo much fun that he did not want to leave. Almost 5 kind of blows for all of us...he is just super emotional. I am guessing it is age related or at least hoping. I really really hope it does not last too much longer. oh geez.

Community Gardening

This a.m. we all went over to our community garden plot (literally 100 feet from our house-or something like that since I am really bad at measurements) to turn the soil to prepare for GARDENING! The kids had fun too after they stopped trying to kill each other and hurt all the tools we brought or others brought with them. We saw some HUGE worms which I think will be great for the plantings. Now to decide what to plant :) I am thinking peppers, carrots, potatoes, onions, and maybe some other things at that garden. We have tomatoes, lettuce and herbs at home. I might do some cukes and zucchini at home but now sure about doing them at the garden. Maybe. Also, would consider doing more lettuce at the garden but it needs to be watered frequently so I want more sturdy plants there in case I skip a day.

Hoping to get the grandmother involved a little :) (if she reads this-haha) so maybe she can help with watering and/or weeding here and there, and/or harvesting when the time comes.

Oh yum! I am sooo excited.

Day 5 of the cleanse was good.
Breakfast: smoothie and egg scrambled
Lunch: Lee made chicken sausage, sweet potatoe fries baked, and a salad.
Late Lunch (hey, I did a lot of manual labor today since after our gardening we came home and did the yard too): turkey burger, red pepper strips, and cup of lentil soup leftovers
Snack: orange
Dinner: Taco salad with chicken (did not really want the chicken-protein?)

Now I want some tea but worried it will keep me up. hmmm.

RIP Chalmer

Lee's grandfather died tonight. It was very peaceful and we were all over there which was nice. I am so happy he is not in pain any longer and he fought so hard even at the end. Just a really strong man. I am going to miss him though. He was at times a crochety old man and he repeated his stories frequently but I liked him. I most enjoyed when he came in as a patient and we talked about all sorts of things: Lee, BILs, my kids, his old times, healthcare, politics. I learned alot about the family from his eyes during those visits. I liked working on him too....I learned a lot as a doctor too from him. He always seemed to beat the odds over the years in regards to his health-he survived Polio at 5 y.o. just to name one! He was always quite proud of that fact. He was always quite proud of his waistline remaining the same over the years....he would tell me how most men could not wear the same pants as they did 20 years before but he could. cracked me up but he was right. He seemed to measure his health by his waistband. ha.

I am glad we can sleep tonight knowing he is at peace. I am happy he is no longer suffering...that was the worst part of all of this. To think he might be, to see him frustrated with not being able to communicate, for him to die this way.

I brought Griffin over there yesterday morning. We asked Griffin if he wanted to see him and he said he did. On the way he asked me if he would be awake to talk to him. I told him I was not sure and if he was awake he would not be able to talk. When we arrived he was sitting up and alert. He recognized griffin immediately and was quite excited! He said something like "the boy". He just loved the kids so very much The Griff and Boots. Griffin told him he loved him and said he was going to miss him. It was wonderful and sad. I think it was nice that it all happened the way it did...that griffin could see him, that he was alert, that it seemed to make an impact on him. Tonight I brought Paisley over there. We did not go in until after he died but I am thinking he knew his Boots was there. She knew whose house it was...my smart girl.

I am off to bed. To chal...love you grandpa. You rock!

Day 3 and 4

Kind of a blurr as we were on dying grandpa vigil.

Day 2

It was a rough night of sleep. I went to bed annoyed because of the basketball game...I know petty but what can I say? I care. Paisley was asleep in our bed with a high fever and she woke a few times for her juice and/or just to snuggle. Then 5 a.m. in comes Mr. Man wanting to crawl in bed because he had to pee but he also had peed his bed? I was exhausted so I just let him. Man he is the worst to sleep with....he took most of the bed and add in there the dog. I was a squished momma. 7 a.m. and he pops awake jibber jabbering at me. YAWN!

Tried to get my act in gear to have a good day but 1/2 way through I realized I had an early patient scheduled and I needed to bolt. Did manage to grab some snacks, make my breakfast, and get clean. But forgot my supplements and will have to go home for lunch. I got to work and my patient was waiting for me. NOT a good start to the day.

On the menu....no clue but I will update later after I eat.

Breakfast, one egg scrambled, smoothie with protein powder, missed supplements (will make them up later).

Lunch: very large salad of herb mix with cukes, tomatoes, red pepper, green pepper, cranberries, and chicken grilled on the foreman. Used garlic expressions dressing. Had a side of supplements ;)

Day 1

Breakfast of smoothie and one scrambled egg.
water
Lunch of avacado, cukes, red and green pepper, with salt, olive oil and vinegar, pepper
orange
water
Dinner planned of White fish poached over sauteed spinach, garlic, olive oil....broccoli/cauliflower on the side.
Smoothie for desert
water

Oh, and tons of supplements...cannot forget those buggers.

Cleansing

We begin tomorrow. We will have to cut it short a few days to go party in chicago but I am sooo excited! Yahoo to feel cleansed! haha. It is going to be hard though I know. I will check in again soon to update the situation.

Angels bowling

We have had some really bad storms rolling through tonight. One of them woke paisley and she was quite scared fo the lightening and thunder. I tried to tell her it was just the angels bowling. I don't know why...it just came out...probably because i had been drinking a little. haha.


Lee chose to explain to her about the air colliding at different temperatures. I cracked up . She gave him a raised eyebrow. lol.

I wonder what she thinks of her parents tonight.

Good, Quiet week

This week has been pretty chill. I needed it. Still working working but it has been quiet around the office and the kids have not been too wild. Today is my day off and Lee is off to work on his books at a coffee shop. I am really loving many aspects of this new life. Of course he also has a job interview today...lol. It always seems as I get comfy life takes us in another direction...hard to swallow for this planner. But I am taking it in stride (and mostly ignoring the possibilities). I will just soak up this glorious spring day!

cleaning

Lee and I just spent 7 hours cleaning our house...the deep cleaning kind. I feel quite awesome although completely exhausted! maybe I cleaned out some bad juju cause I could use some good kind :) The last time we cleaned behind the stove and fridge was right before Paisley was born (a couple days) when my parents were visiting. I guess we were all nesting at that point :) I cannot believe we waited that long to do it again other than it is quite a project. Tis done now and on the calendar for 5 months to be done again!

Sick Boy...Again.

I am so sad for my boy. He is sick again. This time aches and a high fever. He is passed out on the couch and has been all day. It always comes out of nowhere for him and hits sooooo hard. Poor kid. I sure hope none of the rest of us get it.

After working all morning I decided to tackle a sore spot from yesterday...picking up our prescriptions. Last night I totally lost it because I forgot to pick them up and it was the last day of our good insurance. On my way today I sort of realized it was possible they already put it through the insurance and by picking it up today would mean very little....and I was correct. So last night getting upset was for nothing. The stupid scrips still cost me a shit ton. stupid meds.

Then being upset last night got even more ridiculous when I got home and looked through the mail. Apparently Lee's old company sent us the wrong cobra ins. information initially. They had quoted it out at a much higher rate than was true. So the mail today had the corrected quotes....UGH! What the hell? So, now I have to figure out if the application we put in for self paid health insurance can be stopped so we can do this cobra stuff. It will cost a bit more but is MUCH better insurance.

So, the roller coaster I am on. I am not in charge of the ups and downs apparently but I still have to remember my reactions are in my control.

Rough Day Yesterday

I have a patient who makes a LOT of money. Many would love to have all that he has. I see the darker side of his life though: the stress, the worry, the loneliness at times....all the things I struggle with now only amplified in ways I would NEVER want. I don't want that. All I desire is comfort, ease, and maybe a vacation without worry once a year. Will I ever get that though? I am beginning to doubt it unless I seriously reevaluate my approach to my thinking. It's not because I can't make a lot more money because I can and might. It is because I have this thought, many thoughts, of deserving something. I believe in hard work as well but do I really know what hard work is. Is this privilege? Am I spoiled? I think I am selling myself short and this must change. Deep down I know what it takes to get to where I want to be but I just don't do it. I resist it. I isolate myself. I respond poorly.

Yesterday was a tough day. It was many ends and I did not cope well. Last day for my current secretary, last day of our Y membership, last day of our good insurance, oh and one first....first day of our unemployment check. I DID NOT COPE WELL. By the end of the day I was in total breakdown mode. and what was my first response? Anger. Why? It has been my first and often only response this past year and I am tired of it. I have been working and working on it and yet when life goes to chaos I get angry. I know anger is rooted in fear and for me that could not ring more true. But I am sick of it. I MUST change this because I want to be rich in life.

Today is another day. I will keep working on me. I started out right I think. Woke in a better mood, kissed my kids and husband goodbye, took my vitamins, grabbed some food, reflected on the drive, and am now refreshed and off to worked.

Swimming

I took the kids swimming at the Y since it was our last day of our membership. We will still have opportunities to swim once the weather is nicer but that could be awhile.

Griffin had his muscle suit on and it did not take long for him to begin swimming all around. I was not sure how Paisley would do since the last time we were there she wanted to just take off, of course she does not know how to swim so this led to a lot of frustration on her part. Rinse and repeat is how it began but then she asked to put a life vest on. That was pretty good and she was figuring it out and becoming less afraid of being away from me but she could not keep herself steady and kept flipping to her back. Then she asked for this swim belt. I was not sure how that would go but WOW! She did amazing. She had that and a pool noodle and was swimming around all by herself in under a minute. Then about 15 minutes later she wanted to get rid of the pool noodle and was swimming with just the belt. She had to work to keep herself up as the belt just assists. It was sooo cool to watch. And wow! she is powerful....she was trucking around that pool. Right before we left she took the belt off and I swore if we had stayed a bit longer she would have taught herself to swim. lol. I am definitely getting those belts for the kids and some pool noodles. Yahoo!

Oh and they both slept amazingly well tonight....NOT. why when they get overtired do they sleep like crap? They did sleep long though and seem refreshed this a.m. Sadly I am not as refreshed. haha.