I have a patient who makes a LOT of money. Many would love to have all that he has. I see the darker side of his life though: the stress, the worry, the loneliness at times....all the things I struggle with now only amplified in ways I would NEVER want. I don't want that. All I desire is comfort, ease, and maybe a vacation without worry once a year. Will I ever get that though? I am beginning to doubt it unless I seriously reevaluate my approach to my thinking. It's not because I can't make a lot more money because I can and might. It is because I have this thought, many thoughts, of deserving something. I believe in hard work as well but do I really know what hard work is. Is this privilege? Am I spoiled? I think I am selling myself short and this must change. Deep down I know what it takes to get to where I want to be but I just don't do it. I resist it. I isolate myself. I respond poorly.
Yesterday was a tough day. It was many ends and I did not cope well. Last day for my current secretary, last day of our Y membership, last day of our good insurance, oh and one first....first day of our unemployment check. I DID NOT COPE WELL. By the end of the day I was in total breakdown mode. and what was my first response? Anger. Why? It has been my first and often only response this past year and I am tired of it. I have been working and working on it and yet when life goes to chaos I get angry. I know anger is rooted in fear and for me that could not ring more true. But I am sick of it. I MUST change this because I want to be rich in life.
Today is another day. I will keep working on me. I started out right I think. Woke in a better mood, kissed my kids and husband goodbye, took my vitamins, grabbed some food, reflected on the drive, and am now refreshed and off to worked.
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3 comments:
I am the same way. Pretty much every emotion I have I translate into anger. I've been trying to work on that, with varying degrees of success. I wish I could offer you some advice, but I'm not there yet. But you're not alone:)
The biggest thing for me is the whole "I did not see myself here," mentality. I guess what I'm trying to realize is that even though I didn't see myself here, that's where I'm at and I might as well make the best of it, and it's all part of a bigger picture that I just can't see yet.
I'm sorry you had a rough day. I hope today is a better one for you. Sounds like you're off to a good start!
You have a terrific gift of being able to think it through, talk it out, write it down. All these things help you cope. Nothing wrong with your reaction and yes, you are afraid...but NOT alone! Nobody knows where the paths lead, usually places you hadn't planned....if you look at life as an adventure and a challenge, you'll be ahead of the game. Try not to live in regret..that is a huge time-waster, as it freezes you into inaction (isa that a real word?) and makes you a bitter person.sending love and hugs to all!
you mom said it right - life is an adventure - but at times it's really hard to see the adventure in the midst of all the challenges, changes and curve balls. I try to view life the way your moms says sometimes I do a good job and sometimes I just want to scream out that it's not suppose to be this way. But in the end I look at my life and see the riches I wouldn't have gotten if I wasn't on this path.
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