This week was long. With work, shopping on tuesday for clothes for today and next weekend, running around with kids all of thursday, celebrating Bonnie and John (they are engaged!) on Wednesday, and a small impromptu gathering last night of family including out of town family....whew. Today is Chal's funeral. It is still quite surreal. I can't describe it any other way. I am thinking back on him and my experiences with him and just don't want it to be over but of course it is. I am not sad persay just annoyed that this is life as humans know it. I wonder why we have the heartache. I guess it makes me somewhat ponder (or rather hope for) the existence of afterlife...otherwise what is the point? Ugh. It hurts to love people and then they are gone. And how will I relate to my children that this man loved them so very much...that he softened in their presence like no other? Somehow I hope I can because it is true...he loved The Griff and Boots.
My cousin Eric is dying as well...tumors all over his body. My father is visiting him and I just put my Grandmother on a plane to go as well. It just is not fair and even knowing that logically I am still mad.
yes, again, anger is my first reaction in life. I am definitely tired of that. I just want for some other emotion to float to the top one of these days. ugh.
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Briar Kelly
What's Allison doing.....
About Me
- Allison
- Hello all...I am a 33 y.o. chiropractor/mom/wife living in Lakewood, OH with my husband Lee , 6+ y.o. Griffin, 3+ y.o Paisley, one on the way, and our dog Mazzy. Most moments these days I feel like I have it all but then there are those mommy moments and I want to cry. On this blog I'd like to share it all...hope you find it somewhat interesting.
3 comments:
IMHO, anger is always a message that will keep repeating until you hear it. Not sure if that helps, but...of course, there is the idea that anger is, deeper down, about fear. Fear of what?
Loving another, and then 'losing' them, is another of life's lessons that we can probably really only appreciate in retrospect. While we're living through it, it can be so painful that perspective is near impossible. My hope for you is that you have patience with yourself, especially as your children are observing how you handle love and loss. Love gives us a reason for living, and loss gives us a reason for giving.
they had a wonderful visit, and Eric rallied and went out with dad,Arthur and Stefan in car to show off his town. He has an amazing attitude and was his usual bright self!
I think Meredith said it well about anger coming from a deeper position. I also know you will do a wonderful job of keeping him in your children's mind and presence. Think of Nat and her grammy dying last year - she continues to talk of her because I talk of her. My SIL remembers her grandmother who died when she was 3 and remembers how much she loved her. It is possible and much easier to have the memory of love when you are youger then I think an older child. IME, I mixed up the love with anger and loss as a child and still can't find the love that my grandfather felt for me. He died when I was 11. Hope this makes sense.
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