working out

So this post is going to be all over the place and I am not entirely looking for answers, I just need to put this down in writing. I started working out about 5 weeks ago. I started at 1/week and then last week did 2/week. This week I'm aiming for 3/week but we will see how it goes.

I figure there are many reasons people work out/exercise:

1. lose weight
2. they enjoy being active
3. something to do
4. feel good on the inside
5. it's healthy and good for you
6. to look better on the outside
7. become more appealing to the opposite or same sex (depending on which they prefer)
8. socialization
9. bored?
10. so they can eat bad things

Ok, that's the list I can come up with. I would say that out of that list I follow 2, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 10. Are there other reasons that I'm missing? Anyhow, let me break it down for you.

I do enjoy being active. I do NOT enjoy working out persay. I like to go hiking in the woods, walking with a friend, riding bikes with my husband and kids, etc. Going to the gym is not in the same category.

Working out does make me feel better and it is good for me and healthy. It's not as apparent as some things that make me feel better but it does really make me feel better. I sleep better, my mood is overall better, I just feel good about myself, and of course it is a good thing to do for your heart and body, blah, blah, blah....BUT

I think I actually work out because of the following....6, 7, and 10.

To look better on the outside. How shallow? I never think of myself as this type of person but here I am admitting it and thinking it the entire time I am at the gym. "wow. I look better than that girl. She's younger than me. She probably hasn't had children yet." WOW. who am I? seriously. That isn't me? I am not that snarky bitch. Seriously.....I'm not. I swear it's like some sick way of motivating me to MOVE MY ASS.

To look better to the opposite sex. Who doesn't want to be wanted, right? But I am wanted. I am loved. My husband tells me all the time and I feel the love. So, why is this a factor? Weird.

Lastly, how demented that I would work out so I can eat CRAP? Ok, this one is so so true. I have not wanted as much crap as I have wanted in the last several weeks in the past year. It's soooo weird. Maybe it's post holiday let down still but I think it's because i am burning more calories and I'm HUNGRY!!

Anyhow, I'm just confused about my motivations to continue, to do better, etc. I wish I had a more solid goal to aim for....like, I want to lose 10 lbs. I guess it's ridiculous to be upset that i don't need to lose weight but that's not exactly it. I need to figure out, "why do this?" It's like I know it's the right thing to do but I just don't care. I have to have these three weird, in my opinion bordering on insane, reasons to keep going. Hmmmm.

So, this is my utterly bizarro post for the evening. Again, thought about at the gym. Maybe working out isnt' so healthy. At least for me.